The vicious man eating beetles are back in my basement. I was attacked last night. I was just sitting here minding my own business when I felt something trying to pinch the bottom of one of my toes. The nasty blighters can get a pretty good bite going through my knitted slippers and socks. Slippers in this weather you ask? You bet your cold cement floor. It doesn’t matter if the air in the basement is in the nineties the floor is still cool to the touch, never mind the fact that I’m more than certain I never want one of these bugs to bite me while barefoot.
I don’t know what kind of beetles they are. They are long, and jet-black like most of their kind. They have big mandibles, though not as big as the one year when I had a different variety with mandibles like an alligator turned on its side. Those ones were just a vicious and a might scarier being built like that. All of these beetles are very hard shelled. A flyswatter does nothing but stun then. I have an old short walking stick somebody made that I use to kill them. You have to pin them under it and then you have to put all your weight on it until the bugs crack loudly, then they’re dead. Hey! It’s survival of the fittest. I’d live and let live but they always seek me out and try to bite. They’re smarter than the average bug too, given unlike most of their kin these bugs can walk backwards. Yet they’re not smart enough not to antagonise the being that is more than seventy times bigger than it is.