Arr, me hearties! It be Talk Like a Pirate Day. Any of you who forgot, you be a scurvy bilge rat. There’s a line over there fer you to be in to get you a good keelhauling. Now, for all you buxom beauties, I have to be telling you, that are a hornpipe in me britches, but I still be glad to see you, arr. Just the other day I were sitting with me mateys, drinking grog like there was to be no tomorrow. I was thinkin’ mightily about some more wenching. Remember, it be a long time out there on the ship with yer only mistress the Sea. You got to get yer wenching in mightily, while you can. Well anyway, we was sitting there when this big heavily muscled barnacle eating so and so come in, acting like he were the saltiest dog that ever rolled with the deck on the waves.
I seen him fer a landlubber right off. He had on this silk bloody satin whatever it was with all these frills around the neck making his head look like it were in a babe’s basket. An it had these same frills around the wrists and had they been any longer his fists woulda looked like the end of the legs on a Christmastide goose. On his waist he had this thing couldn’a been more than a long toothpick. Probably it be matching something else small and narrow that likely never seen the inside of a scabbard. I is already bored of this cur an thinking about something tasty from the bung hole. Well in the middle of me ruminating on it this guy grabs the serving wench by the booty and she turns and she corks him one in the skull and like a belayin’ pin set upright on its end he goes down. An I was like, arr, me beauty.
Music: The Pirate Song by Ray Stevens